The Tale of the Tail of the Dragon

Listen my children and you shall hear

A horrific tale of truth and fear

I am going to come completely clean on this one, although it was my original intent to lie to you, dear reader. So, for those of you who already heard a different story, my apologies.

We had decided to make a stop in Robbinsville, NC to ride the Tail of the Dragon. This is an 11-mile strip of Rte 129 that has 318 hairpin turns as it climbs up the mountain. This road is a legend. It is considered by many to be one of the world’s foremost motorcycling and sports car touring roads. Billed as a road to challenge ones driving skills, it is not for sightseeing. There are generally one or two deaths a year on this stretch of road, many accidents and there are stationary photographers in a few spots to record the wipeouts so they can be added to the wall of shame. The fun starts at the Tale of the Dragon Store and the Deal’s Gap Store where you can purchase t-shirts, leather clothing to protect your skin in a motorcycle wipeout, food, beer and other necessary items. You can also pee here, and you should. There is no stopping on the Dragon.

I am notorious for getting carsick. I can get carsick just thinking about getting carsick. To prepare for this drive I had taken 2 Bonine, 1 meclizine and a Zofran. And although I am a well-known Disney lover, I also hate roller coasters, heights, and anything that goes in circles. Why would someone like me agree to buy a sports car and travel around the US? Life is full of contradictions. But I was very anxious about riding the Dragon. I had read all the reviews, looked at the map, and realized that Bob was really stoked about this drive. So I agreed to give it a try. Even getting to the Dragon is a challenge. It passes the Cheoah Dam from which Harrison Ford jumped in the movie The Fugitive. The road switches back and forth and other drivers, mainly motorcycles tailgate relentlessly. My idea of driving the Dragon was to go very slow, but I could see that Bob might not agree. Anyway, just getting to the Dragon had put me in tears.

When we arrived at the Dragon Store, to get our pictures with the Big Metal Dragon that marks the beginning of the drive, I was already totally freaked out. It didn’t help that the place was overrun with motorcyclists getting ready for the adventure. I was certain that everyone there had more courage than I and that I would spend the entire drive alternately screaming, crying and puking. I was terrified. I told Bob he could go without me, drive to the top, then turn around and drive back down, and I would remain at the store. I could tell that he wanted me to join him, but I just could not. I was that petrified.

And so was born the lie. I told Bob that if he didn’t want to go alone, we could just tell people we did it. After all, who would know? We knew enough about it to fake the experience. And whose business is it anyway? Under pressure, Bob agreed. So, with a certain amount of shame, we bought the tee shirts saying we had slain the Dragon. And sulked back to our room.

Now if you think you have reached the tail of the Tale of the Tail of the Dragon, you are mistaken.

The hotel we selected for this part of our adventure was the River’s Edge Treehouses. We were in treehouse number 3, the Poplar. These are curated by Doug and Laila Mortimer who have traveled the world and knew what people looking for a unique experience would like. The treehouses are each built around a tree, and have a sheltered parking space below, so are perfect for people who want their rides protected and shown a little love. In fact, Bob gave Penny her first bath here, using the outdoor hose, his special cleaning towels and cleaning supplies provided. Our treehouse had a comfy king bed, a small table and a large bathroom, as well as a deck with a gas grill. We looked out over the river, and could have gone down to the river’s edge, lit a fire and cooked s’mores. It was the perfect place to stay in Robbinsville, and we highly recommend it.

That afternoon, we drove over the Cherohala Skyway, which was absolutely beautiful. It reaches a mile above sea level and has numerous breathtaking pull-over sites and views for miles. We reached the top, where the Huckleberry trail takes you to the graves of two hapless adventurers who never made it to Robbinsville and were discovered dead with their empty whiskey bottles. On the way back, we stopped at the Pineapple Whip truck and had a pineapple/strawberry whip. The owner was taken with Penny and he and Bob had a nice chat, and he asked me to take the picture here and post it to his Facebook page, which I was happy to do. Later that evening, we went to the Tapoco Lodge for dinner. The Lodge is on the banks of a babbling stream and was the perfect end to a not-so-perfect day.

The next day we planned to go to Bowling Green Kentucky so Bob could drive a C8 Corvette on the National Corvette Museum Track. We decided to get up at 5:30 am, which would put us in Bowling Green by noon, with plenty of time to make his 2 pm appointment. So after eating a quick breakfast and packing Penny, we put our destination into the GPS and discovered that….we would have to drive up the Tail of the Dragon. I panicked. Putting an alternative route into Penny’s GPS we began a more indirect trip, and after about 20 miles in the wrong direction realized that this route was also looping us back to the Dragon. We tried another, and same result. It began to dawn on me that the Dragon was like the Hotel California: we could check out anytime we liked, but we could never leave without riding her. As all our routes led to the same place, and we began to realize we would not make it to Bowling Green in time, I slowly became resolved that I was going to do the Dragon whether I liked it or not. When our final route popped us out next to the metal Dragon statue, I knew fate had taken over.

It was now about 7:30 am, and the road seemed empty. Not a single motorcycle at the Dragon store. We used the outhouses (with no paper) and began the journey. Bob promised to drive slowly, and I promised to scream silently, but I couldn’t promise on the puking, and I was med-free. We began.

The Dragon is a challenge. There truly are 318 hairpin turns. The road is not bad, but it is tight. If you don’t stay in your lane, you will either kill or be killed as there is zero visibility to see oncoming traffic. On one side is the mountain face, and on the other is a sheer drop with no guard rail seemingly going thousands of feet down. The road is uneven, and narrow with plenty of black tire marks on every curve. And as it turns out, it was the second worst road I have traveled, the first being in Virginia when we had a GPS heading go badly wrong and took us about 20 miles down a one-lane road on a mountain. I began the Dragon with my heart in my mouth, but after about mile 6, I began to calm down. Yes, the trees have many mini-shrines of ribbons and testimonials to people and damaged motorbikes. Yes, you have to be very careful as the turns are frequent and tight. And luckily, at this time of day, we saw only a few other riders and they were not behind us, pushing us to go faster. By mile 9, I was even enjoying the ride. And at mile 11, we were rewarded with a spectacular view.

So, what did we learn?

· That Winston Churchill was dead-on when he said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

· Don’t just buy the hype. This is especially important these days when there is so much exaggeration and downright destructive information being thrown around. Humans are endowed with the ability to think critically, gather facts and examine evidence before falling for all this crap. (I’m looking at you, Q!)

· And finally, if you want the shirt, you gotta earn it. Karma.

Next up, Bowling Green. Peace out.